“You are single? Yes, I’m not so good”

People ask me many times why I’m still single.  They don’t ask in a less direct way, they just ask. Right in my face, as if they are my best friends and are allowed to ask me whatever they want. I must have a good answer to that question, cause how can a sweet girl as me be still single. I must do something wrong. They can fix that for me. They think they know me and overwhelm me with compliments. But the truth is, I’m not so good.

I’m floating down a river named emotions. And I throw them out. I don’t care if it makes you feel uncomfortable, cause I’m also kinda selfish sometimes. I have the ability to show emotions of a 5 year old, so that throwing out is not working very well. I don’t trust you, you have to trust me, but I don’t trust you. Cause yes, I’m projecting on you what other men did to me. I should have a warning label permanently attached to my hip. One that reads: "WARNING: I will push you away because I have a fear of getting to close to you and then losing you." I’m jealous too. I don’t accept you being jealous on me, but I am on you. So I give you 2 options, either stay home for the rest of your life or give me your password from your e-mail, facebook, twitter and google+. Maybe when times passes I have some kind of trust in you, but I don’t trust the other women around you. I know them. I am one of them. They are manipulative and will turn you around there finger. And you are naive. I decide that for you. So it’s better if you don’t speak to any women at all, unless she’s your family or a lesbian. Although I have my doubts about lesbians as well, they might turn into biseksual for you.  I might just lock you in my room, so your world is all about me. The same as my world is all about you. Cause that’s who I am too, I give you all my loyalty and love. I might even die for you.  I smother you with love and hugs and kisses. I’m open and honest. I am the nightmare girlfriend, but also the best girlfriend you ever had. That depends on how I feel. Cause I have moodswings and when I’m feeling bad you are the one who will know first.

Therefore I don’t think there will ever be someone who has enough patience, hope, believe in me, but this is kind of a long answer to the question why I am single. So I just shake  my shoulders and tell them I don’t know.