My superhero grandma

My best childhood memories are in your house, grandma. I used to play in your garden, cuddled with the rabbits and made thousand of chains and bracelets with daisies . And when it was raining we went inside and baked cookies, played boardgames or read the hundreds of comics you saved for me and my brothers. And their was always this smell. The smell of cooking porridge. Cause that was your favorite. You loved eating it and it was always cooking on the stove when we arrived. I can’t smell it without thinking of you. I remember you also took me to the cinema or the zoo sometimes. What a party was that! I was too little to realise then you didn’t have much money and saved every little dime so you could bring me there.   But when I grew older I learnt more about you. About your tough life. You were a young adult in second world war and althought you rarely talked about it, it had a big impact in your life. And when you found out grandpa was tasting candy somewhere else, you kicked him out.  Fifty years ago that was not an easy thing to do. All of a sudden you were a single divorced mother of 4 young children. You worked day and night to provide for them and never thought about yourself.  And they grew up wonderful. You wanted to set a rolemodel for your children, but you also set a rolemodel for your grandchildren.

You were always so strong grannie. I have only seen you cry once. When one of your children died. You always said ‘I should have gone first, no one should survive their own children’. I saw the pain in your eyes for many years. But as usual you stayed strong. You kept the family together.  You were the centre and we would all gather at your house.  I will never forget your tolerance too. I remember you were the one who found out one of our relatives was gay. You laught and said, “well, who cares, I still love him.” And when your only granddaughter converted to Islam you said exactly the same. You were the only one who accepted it.  Accepted me. We talked a lot about religion with a cup a tea in our hands and playing scrabble at the same time.  You were Christian and believed. I was Muslim and believed. And we both believed in the love for eachother.

And then 6 months ago the whole family went to Italy. You couldn’t go, you needed 24/7 medical care. I couldn’t go. I couldn’t bear the feeling of leaving you all alone the whole week with no familiar face around you. So I stayed.  I stayed here and after work I drove to you. You knew I was coming, I was only 10 minutes away, but then you left. Death took you away from me. I was so angry, cause I was so close and didn’t had the change to say goodbye.  I was so angry, cause you were alone when you left. But maybe this was also you. Quiet going away while everyone was gone. I know you were very ill and I know you didn’t mind leaving. You were sick before many times, but you always crawled back up because you saw the pain in our eyes. It was your time to go and maybe if we were there, you would have tried to fight it again. But it’s ok grannie, you’ve fought your whole life, you may rest now. Your pain is over.

I miss you grannie. You are my rolemodel, you are my superhero. And you will always be. May you rest in peace.